You may be wondering what the deal with this blog is. Do I cook for famous people? Am I a famous mom? Am I actually a real homemaker? I’ll start off by telling you a little bit about myself and how this Hollywood Homemaker thing came about.

At a young age, I was strategically trained by my mother to become the ultimate homemaker, a housewife-ninja if you will. We spent long, grueling days slaving over ratatouille, pot roast, apple pies, and of course, tater tot hotdish. We got up every morning at the crack of dawn to hand-scrub the floors, polish the silver, and iron the underwear of the family. By age 5, I was a muh-fukn homemaking prodigy! My kindergartner classmates often referred to me as “Suzy Ho-Maker”. Oh wait, I’m sorry, that was college, I’m getting my stories crossed. In kindergarten, I was known as “Fancy Nancy”. Maybe it was the fact that I dressed like Esther from that movie “Orphan”, or maybe it was the fact that I went around polishing every nook and cranny of the classroom on an hourly basis. Regardless, what I did know, was that I liked it. I really liked it.

By age 8, I was in rehab. Age 7 was a rough year for me with the pressures of the interior design and cleaning businesses I started, and I resorted to a lonely life riddled with booze and Vicodin. After my parents realized I had not cleaned my room in 48 whole hours, I was sent off to Promises to get better. I stayed there until the age of 14 because it was fun.

Nah, I know it’s hard to believe, but all that stuff I just told you? It was a story. A lie. Fake. The real story is quite simple. I really like cooking, doing crafts, and everything homemaker-y, but I also like dining out and boozing and such, AND I live in Hollywood. Hence, the Hollywood Homemaker. The idea is that you can still be really good at cooking, cleaning, and crafts, but that doesn’t mean you have to be a grandma who likes to make sweaters with puffy paint teddy bears hugging. It’s a lil’ bit of recipes, home decor ideas, gossip, foodie news, restaurant reviews, cleaning tips, and other fun stuff. I hope you enjoy!