I’ve always been a big fan of the Chef Boyardee, but recently, especially since I am no longer a 5-year-old, I’ve been feeling a lot of guilt and shame toward my love for the ‘Dee. Most of all, I just feel extremely confused. I hands down love the stuff. It doesn’t matter what shape or form it comes in, (even though we all know it’s the exact same ingredients and taste in every single can) although I am partial to the beefaroni.

So yesterday, I was craving some Chef Boyardee all day for whatever reason. After work, I headed to the closest gas station, filled ‘er up, and ran inside straight to the canned foods section. I looked around to my left and right, picked up the can of beefaroni, and sort of hid it under my coat sleeve until I got to the register. As the cashier rang me up I could feel my face turning hot and red. I looked down at the ground. “Receipt?”, he asked. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. “No, thank you, just a bag please.” QUICK. PUT IT IN THE FUCKING BAG BEFORE ANYONE SEES. This is what I thought in my head. I normally don’t swear in person just in my head. Anyways, he threw it in the bag, I snatched it from his hands and ran out without being spotted.

Once I was in the privacy of my own home, I was super excited to heat up the ‘Dee and relax while cozying up to the food issue of Metro Magazine. So here I am, eating this crap while reading about all the best in dining that the Twin Cities has to offer. Shortly after, the guilt set in and I found myself at the gym at 9 p.m. This is embarrassing guys…or is it? I’d like to consider myself a foodie with a refined and sensitive palate…so what gives? Why do I like this diarrhea-in-a-can? Am I alone here?

No I am not, because I took a well-rounded poll in which I asked various men and women, mostly between the ages of 25 and 40, what their thoughts around Boyardee were. Interestingly enough, 90% of men admit to liking the products, where as, 90% of women say it’s nasty. I have a theory here…women say they don’t like it because they are not supposed to like it. Women have lower self-esteems than men in general, and if they admit to liking the ‘Dee they will probably get looked at funny, quite possibly get made fun of, and most definitely will be the topic of town talk for years to come. Also, if they make this shameful revelation, you will know that they have had diarrhea. And women don’t talk about diarrhea. Even the men though…most were slightly hesitant at first to admit to their Boyardee love. But once they realized they were in a safe zone they let it all out.

If you are a hater and can truly claim that Chef Boyardee products are just awful, let me just ask of you a favor. Next time you go out and booze it up, come home, and sample the beefaroni. If it still tastes awful…I don’t even know what to tell you because it won’t.

What do you think of the Boyardee? Tasty or Nasty?