I went on a date once with this guy who only drank fruity drinks with rum. We were at this awesome speakeasy-type bar, the kind that makes you feel like you should drink something classy and sophisticated, and the guy asks if there are any fruity rum drinks?? Not only that but when the waiter was bad-ass enough to bring us samples of other types of drinks he wouldn’t drink them! Now, I’m not solely going to judge someone based on their drink preference…if I was into this guy his like for girly drinks might have been “cute”, but I wasn’t, so it was gross instead. As if it couldn’t possibly get worse, during the date, he exclaimed, “Wow!! This place is NO Chili’s. I feel like Pretty Woman!” Also, this might have been funny if he meant it as a joke, but sadly, he did not. He was serious. All I could think was, how the fuck do I get out of here, and fast.

Well don’t fret, my friend. Next time you are on a bad date you can be saved by your drink ordering decisions. Let’s hope that guy you are sitting across from you is reeeeal judgey.

Whisky, Bourbon or Scotch on the Rocks: Let’s just get this one out of the way first. Do NOT order this. If you order this, the dope will think you’re even more awesome than he already does and never leave you alone. Avoid ordering any of these at all costs.

Appletini: He’ll think you’re an obnoxious attention whore. This should at least get him to end the date a little faster.

Wine: If you’re not at a wine bar and also if he is not drinking wine…this can be a good option (try to stick with something other than a cab, chardonnay or pinot grigio, those are pretty standard and seem less bourgee). You’ll come across as trying to seem more classy than you really are and just as uptight as you actually are which hopefully will make him lose some interest.

Tequila Shot: If he’s looking for a relationship this could be enough to get him outta there because he’ll think you’re a slut. If not…watch out, this one could backfire.

Long Island Iced Tea: He’ll think you’re an alcoholic, let’s hope that’s enough to drive him away.

Vodka Soda: You’ll seem like a total complete bore. With no personality. This combined with no talking can work wonders.

Dirty Martini: Here’s another slutty one. Also, tell the waiter you would like it extra dirty.

Crunk Juice: Redbull & Hennessy. He would be just so dumbfounded as to what the hell is going on that he would instantly jet.

Water: Followed with “Oh, I don’t drink”. Instantly hateable.

If you’ve made it this far, come on ladies. A guy doesn’t give a shit what you drink on a first date. And if he does…why would you want to be with him anyways? But, we’re not talking about just any guy, we’re talking about a a sucky date which probably means he’s judgey.

What would you ladies (or guys) order in an attempt to get your date to leave?