Ok, first off, there is nothing fancy about fancy ketchup. It usually comes in a packet for Christ’s sake. This is just one of those things that anytime I see “Fancy Ketchup” strewn about a packet of ketchup I get secretly angry inside. You’re not fooling anyone McDonald’s. No one can tell the difference between your “fancy” ketchup and any other ketchup. It’s also times like this where I feel ashamed to be working in marketing. I will bet, that out of all the ketchup buyers out there, only 1% have chosen a ketchup based upon the fact that it had “fancy” on it’s label. And I do not think very highly of that 1%.

Anyways, I have Googled “WTF is Fancy Ketchup?” various times throughout the years and eventually I always forget why it’s called fancy ketchup so then I Google it again, and so goes the viscous cycle. “Fancy” is really just the USDA designation that producers are allowed to use on their packaging if their ketchup meets the standards of the US Grade A tomato ketchup. Supposedly, this ketchup, has a better color, consistency, flavor and less separation of the liquids/solids than other grades of ketchup. But come on, not really.

If this is the case, I wonder what grade Umami Burger’s ketchup is? THAT is some fancy-ass ketchup guys. For those of you that have not been to Umami Burger, get there stat and check out their ketchup. Then ask what the secret ingredient is and watch them not tell you. Although I just easily found it on the internet on this article about Umami-Infused Cheese and Ketchup. I warn you guys though, it will indeed be difficult to consume any other ketchup ever again after you’ve experienced this tasty goodness that they call ketchup. In fact, I am never eating ketchup again unless it’s from Umami or I learn how to make it myself. Actually, I just decided I’m going to make a huge vat of it and carry it around my neck wherever I go just in case.

On a related note, can we talk about people who slather ketchup on everything they eat? What is up with those people?